when i'm talking about love

Being an 18'th girl wouldn't be far away with something called love.
Gue memang pernah punya rasa dengan seseorang (who doesn't?). Tapi gue nggak yakin kalo ini disebut cinta. because i used to be afraid if this feel would just disappear. 
Apa cinta itu abadi?
Yang gue hindari sebenarnya adalah "ritual" dari hubungan itu sendiri. Being with him, just "two of us" is extremely not in my mind. Mungkin kalo konteksnya adalah teman, murni tanpa ada perasaan sama sekali, gak jadi masalah buat gue. Tapi kalau ada rasa, meski ada kesepakatan bahwa kami adalah teman, gue tetap merasa aneh.
Dengan adanya seseorang di hati kita, bukankah pasti ada suatu keharusan buat menjaga perasaan itu. Bagaimana jika perasaan itu hilang? salahkah orang yang nggak bisa menjaganya benar-benar?
gue memang pernah melakukan kesalahan, berjanji dengan seseorang bakal menjaga perasaan itu sampe kapanpun. but then i realize that was a big false. And i've apologized.


Gue selalu berpikiran, hubungan orang yang pacaran tuh nggak bakal lama. Pada akhirnya pasti bubar, apalagi buat yang berumur antara 16-20an tahun.
That's why, gue nggak pengen terlalu bermain main dengan cinta.


normalkah?
lalu darimana gue belajar cinta?


just let it flow. i believe in my heart. Mengikuti kata hati gue, senyaman mungkin.


that's all i call menjaga hati,
Gue memang bukan golongan cewek abege layaknya remaja-remaja which having a boyfriend is a must thing to do.
bukannya gue gak punya cinta, bukannya gue menghindari cinta, tapi untuk saat ini (entah untuk berapa tahun ke depan) rasanya lebih bahagia kalau gak ngurusin cinta.


gue percaya, jodoh nggak kemana.


nomatter what people said
i walk on my own way
just me being me




"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
            -St. Augustine